I’ve been writing this for a while. Putting off publishing it for even longer because somehow doing so makes it all that more real.
The manfriend and I have broken up. Yup. You shocked? I know he and I are.
Here’s the rub – we have a ton of love, respect, and appreciation for each other. We’re good friends, enjoy living together, and both really thought we were in this for the long haul, that we would spend the rest of our lives together.
So what went wrong?
I’ve come to know for sure that I want kids. He knows for sure that he does not.
And so it goes.
When I went to Tennessee in April to meet my littlest nephew I knew one of two things would happen. I would either return glad the manfriend and I don’t have kids or knowing that I need to have kids. I came back and spent the following week in a stooper. Because the manfriend has always been up front with me that kids and marriage are not something I can expect from him, I knew what my realization about parenting would likely mean for our relationship and so I stuffed my feelings down for a few more months. Just a few more months to bask in normalcy.
I can say that I’m proud of both of us for knowing what we want and for sticking to our guns no matter how hard that can be. There’s no way to compromise on this. It’s not picking a place to live, or what to have for dinner, or where to vacation. It’s about bringing another human into this world and taking supreme responsibility for them. That’s major.
I can also say that I’m proud of the way he and I have conducted ourselves through out this. We are both, of course, hurt and heartbroken. But we’re not mad at each other. We don’t hate each other, which almost makes this a bit harder, really. I think it takes two really adult, kind, caring people to end a six year relationship with as much love, kindness, and respect as we’ve given each other.
He’ll keep the house and Stella (she’s really his dog anyway, but I’m definitely going to miss her) and I’ll be moving out.
It’s all sort of surreal, so I’m focusing on this:
My mother is an encyclopedia of useless information (sorry, ma, but it's true) - no one can beat her at Trivial Pursuit. As I age, I become more like dear old mom everyday. I routinely tell people about resources, recipes, tips, tricks, or websites I've heard about, tried, live by, etc. until one of my clients urged me to start a blog. So here it is! My perpetual ramblings. I hope you find them useful and amusing. If you don't, you can either keep it to yourself or leave me a well constructed critique. 
Perpetual Ramblings 
Sean C.
/ July 31, 2012Holy crap, a reply comment isn’t even appropriate for the scope of this… wow. Your honesty, strength and integrity makes us all proud to know you Annie. Lean on us all as you need. Big <3 <3 <3 to you *both* on this tremendously emotional decision.
Wow, way to hit one out of the park.
Annie Brokaw
/ July 31, 2012Thanks, Sean. It’s been rough few weeks and will be another rough few weeks. But I’m excited for the path ahead. And the amount of support people are giving us both has been so helpful and needed.
Piper
/ July 31, 2012My heart goes out to you…so much love and respect Annie, so much xoxoxo
Annie Brokaw
/ July 31, 2012Thanks, Piper. I’m gonna need a big, pregnant belly hug when I see you at Mallory’s shower! A BIG one!
lizoster
/ July 31, 2012So sorry to hear that Annie, but I know you are following your heart and you are a strong, beautiful woman with lots of love to give. You will be a great mom someday soon! Hugs.
Annie Brokaw
/ July 31, 2012Thanks, Liz. My kids are out there. How cool is that!? Sometimes you have to wade through the crap to get to the good stuff, right?
lizoster
/ August 1, 2012totally right Annie, it is out there for you!
Annie Brokaw
/ August 1, 2012Thanks, Liz :)
Aimee
/ July 31, 2012Annie. I love you so much.
And truly, this is not just about you and the “man friend.” This is about another person, too. I am very proud of your maturity and I am proud that you recognized what you really want, even though it is the hard route right now. But remember, in the long run, it will have been the hard route to have that regret. You will be such a wonderful mommy, and I do believe there is a little baby Mini Annie knocking on the doors waiting for you, and she (OK, or he) will heal all of your broken heart and make it grow bigger than it ever was before.
But as for today, I can’t imagine how hard this must have been for you both.
I will see you today. Love you so much. Proud of you, too.
Annie Brokaw
/ July 31, 2012Hey Aimee. This is why I need a hug today at bar! I’m so excited to be a mom someday. I know you (along with many other people) have seen that within me for some time. It feels nice to acknowledge that and accept that in myself. But yes, today, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and my heart is in pieces. I’m proud of me too. Love you, doll!
lil'lady
/ July 31, 2012As you know, your heart will never lead you astray. It hasn’t in your love for the manfriend, and won’t as you continue through life. x’s and o’s lil’mama!
Annie Brokaw
/ July 31, 2012Very good point, lil’lady (love that nickname for you BTW). xoxo to you too :)