A Farewell to Heels

Dear high heels –

I want to tell you that while I love you (oh the sexy things you do to a woman’s gait, her calves), I am done with you. Please don’t take this too hard. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your beauty, you’re just too damned painful! I’ve come to that point in my life (whimper) where I simply won’t put up with it anymore. I’ve come to understand that unless a person is willing to spend obscene amounts of money on expensive, supposedly comfortable, heels, there’s just no hope. It used to be that I was willing to put up with the pain – the shooting, searing, crippling pain in the balls of my feet, the pain in my arches, calves, and hips the next day – but I’m over it now. Heels are a game for the young. Every woman, every smart woman who doesn’t want foot surgery later in life, must reach this point.

I will always remember the last time we played together – a Christmas party late in 2009. I was wearing a beautiful black sequined dress that just had to be paired with heels (or so I thought). And so I toughed it out. I spent the enitre party either standing in one place, or seated, immobilized by the pain. I looked at the women around me. All but one were wearing flats or low-heeled boots. It was then and there I decided I was over it.

And so I say farewell. I have many, many a pair to of you that will now be donated or consigned in an effort to raise the necessary funds in order to replace you with your more friendly peers – low-heeled boots, wedges, and flats. Below are some of the reasons (in the flats variety) that I feel this transition will be one of happiness, comfort, and delight.



1. Born flower flats – $84
2. Mossimo berry patent leather flats – $12.99
3. Chinese Laundry flower flats – $49.95
4. Born Shelly loafer – $85
5. Report ruffled leather flats – $49.95
6. Ciao Bella Frankie flat – $59.95
7. Mossimo snip-toe flats – $24.99
8. SM Heaven bright patent leather flats – $39.95

Leave a comment


  1. Bravo! Gave them up myself a good while back. Sometimes I miss them, but not so much :)


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