So close and yet…

…no cigar!

The other morning I was making breakfast and suddenly Stella started frantically whining at the back door, so I went over to see what was up. On the screened-in patio sat the fat squirrel.

See, we have this fat squirrel that frequents our yard. He’s either got a metabolic issue or takes the whole “fatten up for winter and hide massive amounts of nuts” thing VERY seriously. Either way, his girth makes him slow and awkward by squirrel standards. I mean, he can still get from tree to tree in a flying leap, but every time he does it I cringe and think, “squirrel pancake today?” while his squirrel buddies wait in the next tree like, “Come on, Chunk! The pirates are getting away!”

Anyhow, there he sat unaware of the terror I was about to unleash. Through the door Stella went and a rousing bout of chase ensued. For a moment I questioned my decision afraid he would turn on her and attack. Instead he tore through the screen (TORE THROUGH IT) and jumped into a tree. Then he commenced a loud barrage of clucking at Stella. I doubt it was of a heckling nature considering she almost had him…

She shot me a look like, “Holy shit! Did you see that? I almost had the little chump. Aw well.” And then went and took a dump.

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