Say it now

I try really hard to show my appreciation and love to those in my life. But, somehow, ambivalence sets in to some degree and people get taken advantage of.

This has been so clear to me throughout my break-up with the manfriend. I’ve always made it a priority to tell him how much I appreciate him and how lucky I feel to have him. But during these past few weeks of living together in limbo, I’m very aware of all of the unsaid things and all of the actions held back. We’re trying to get all of those things in before I move out so there are no regrets.

***

I woke up the other night in a total panic. “I don’t want to do this,” I thought as I sat bolt upright in bed.

The next morning I buried my nose in his pillow, just smelling him. “How is it that he’s not the one?” But he’s not. The one is out there waiting for me and so are my kids.

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