In all things, meaning

It’s a cliche but I do believe everything happens for a reason. I’ve been reminded of that twice this past summer.

***

1. I know exactly why my car accident had to happen.

See, before the accident I did everything BUT take care of myself. I didn’t really prioritize me or my health. I didn’t really do a good job of accepting help from others. I couldn’t really say no even when saying yes meant compromising myself. I was the one always putting my energy out there for others. And I’m still that way to a large extent, but the accident forced me to retreat – to withdraw and take care of Annie for a change. I had to prioritize me. I had to take care of me. I had to learn to say no. And I had to accept help from others in order to do so.

So, for the past two years I’ve been learning how to do all of that and in many ways I’m a stronger, healthier person (inside and out) than I’ve ever been. There are many ways in which the accident has changed me for the worse – ways in which my body will never ever be the same and I’ve been battling to accept that, learn what that means, and how to navigate a new “normal.”

But all of this has led me to where I am now. Without the accident forcing me to prioritize myself, I would never have had the gumption to admit to myself, let alone the ex-manfriend, what it is I really want in life. I would have continued to prioritize him and his needs over me and mine.

This leads me to my second realization…

2. My relationship with the ex-manfriend had to happen in order for me to be the mom I will be.

He taught me the importance of a good, kind, respectful, appreciative, loving relationship. I’d not really experienced anything like it before. I mean, think about this…he and I NEVER once called each other a mean name or cursed at each other. Now, that’s not to say we didn’t fight or get angry with each other, but we never once endeavored to hurt each other – never once used the great wealth of knowledge we had about the other person other to knowingly, purposefully hurt them. That’s big stuff, people.

And that’s the stuff I want to be the platform for my next relationship. The relationship my kids will witness and use as their basis of comparison. And those are the same principles and values I want to teach them to employ in all relationships they have, intimate or otherwise.

***

Two defining things in my recent life with such long-term effects. Amazing what you realize when you put all the pieces together and let yourself learn the lessons.

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2 Comments

  1. this is amazing to read. so proud of you. thank you for sharing.

    Reply

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