#Reverb12 – Emotion

{Just as I have for the past two years, for the month of December I’m participating in #reverb12 – an online initiative that prompts people to reflect on the past year and look towards the new one. I may not follow every prompt found here or here but will, rather, pick the ones that seem most interesting to me.}

Prompt for December 12th: Emotion – What were your most intense emotions?

When I read this prompt I seriously considered just skipping it. And then I thought about why I wanted to skip it. The reason being is that answering it makes me uncomfortable. The fact that it makes me uncomfortable is precisely why I should answer it.

***

Happiness: There’s been plenty to smile and be happy about. New little people in my life like Landon and Farrah. Burgeoning relationships with others that make me glow. Spending time with loved ones and friends, building-on and deepening those long-standing relationships. Periods of time when the pain in my body isn’t at the forefront of my mind. Building strength within myself in many ways – emotionally, physically, and so on.

Fear: I had to confront fear in several ways this past year. Making the decision to have neck surgery was fraught with fear. Fear of the procedure, fear of the pain afterwards, fear that I would make the wrong decision. And then there was the fear around telling the ex-manfriend about my decision that I want children. Of course, that lead to fear around the end of that relationship and all the upheaval it would cause for both of us.

***

Tears: I’ve shed many in the past year. Both in happiness and sadness. At one point I remember thinking, as tears streamed down my face and pooled beneath my chin, as I, literally, choked on them, “When is the last time I cried this hard? Can I even remember? It must have been a very long time ago.”

Crying is a funny thing. As children, we just let loose. And then, somewhere along the way, we learn that’s inappropriate, or some stupid thing like that. Usually when I start to cry, I bottle it up pretty quickly. I think most of us do – afraid it will spiral into something deemed pathetic or weak. But in the past year I’ve decided to just let the tears flow – to just let whatever emotion is behind them to find its way out. And it’s been really cathartic and healing.

Laughter: There’s been so much to laugh about. I’ve laughed in happiness and incredulously about pain and through sadness and in irony. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve not been able to take a breath.

***

Well, that wasn’t so hard. It’s funny how emotions seem to balance each other out. What I’ve learned in writing this is that it’s been a really full year. There are plenty of reasons why this year has kicked my ass. But there are also plenty of reasons why it’s been rich in happiness as well.

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2 Comments

  1. Hello, visiting from #Reverb. It’s true what you say regarding tears and childhood. I envy toddlers in stores who throw fits. If only I could display my emotions in such a way — but no, I’m not allowed. Who wouldn’t want to throw a good fit now and again?

    Reply
    • Hi there! I couldn’t agree more! I often envy children for their outburst of emotion – of any kind. What a freeing thing to do.

      Reply

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