A Wee Bit Scared…

I have a big admission to make…

I’m totally freaked out about my physical capabilities when it comes to carrying, baring, and then caring for a child.

A few weeks ago I went to a friend’s house for dinner. During the course of the evening I rough-housed with her three-year-old son. Nothing too major, just bouncing him off the couch for a bit as well as some piggy-back rides. You know, the typical stuff little boys like. The following day, my neck was a mess. The day after that, I could hardly move. It threw me into a cycle of pain I’d not been in for some time. And when I’m in pain like that, man, the emotions take over. Next thing I know I’m sobbing to my mom, my best friend, and my sister about my concerns over whether or not my body can handle being a fun, interactive mom, let alone a mom at all.

This is something that’s been on my mind for months, honestly. But the neck procedure I had last summer did enough to assuage my pain that I could push these thoughts to the back of my brain where they started collecting dust. However, the effects of that procedure are wearing off (as I knew they would) and those thoughts are back, all shiny and polished-up like new.

I know pregnancy, child-birth, and parenting are physically demanding for every woman. I get that and I’m not trying to diminish anyone’s experience. But, like all humans, I try to relate these things to my life and my body.

I don’t want to be the lame mom who can’t do anything because she’s physically damaged. I want to be able to coach baseball/softball, to rough-house, to play horsey, to swing my kids around, to run and play in the park, to go on long bike-rides and I really question my ability to do so. Hell, I question my ability to pick up a toddler day after day and get them in and out of a car seat, which is, simply put, pure necessity.

Here’s the thing, my situation is only going to deteriorate, so I’m not being a negative Nancy, I’m being realistic. I rarely throw pity-parties for myself, but I’m a bit worked up about this right now. I’m trying to see the other side of the equation and realize that I still have so much to offer my kids beyond just the physical side of our relationship, but I’m worried nonetheless.

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2 Comments

  1. I understand what you are fearing, but remember this: 1. You have NO IDEA how strong you are, or will become, when it is necessary. 2. Fears are the opposite of love, so don’t follow them. 3. Many less physically fit people have been great moms. It seems every mom has their own physical limitations — or mental ones. Kids are amazing and resilient. so are moms. You will learn your limitations and you and your little ones will work through them together.
    I could not hold my newborn daughter for weeks and I couldn’t even give her a bath myself for months. The psychological pressure I was imposing upon myself was much more traumatizing for her than my actual physical shortcomings.
    Kids only know the reality you teach them, and you don’t have to be a roughhousing kind of mom. To be honest, I’ve never roughhoused Bettie… that’s her dad’s job. So just hope for a girly girl and a manly dad. ;) It will all work out. Because it must.

    Reply

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