But how?

I’d like for you to take a second and read this list below:


I can get on board with all of these except for one part of number 10.

How in the hell am I supposed to not become attached to people?

I can understand not being attached to other people’s crap and how their choices, opinions, beliefs, etc. affect them. For example, I had a friend snap at me the other day and I was initially pretty shocked and defensive. But then I realized their behavior had nothing to do with me, really. It was their own shit that they were choosing to direct at me. Okay, cool. Whatever.

But how am I now supposed to NOT be attached to the family and friends that I care so deeply about?

I understand that it’s not my job to change anyone’s experience here on this Earthly plane. I understand that it’s not my job to do anything but be me and have my own experience and try to do so in a way that’s healthy, loving, and respectful of myself. And that in doing so – by being the best me I can be – I’m doing the best I can for those around me. But is remaining unattached to people really healthy and possible? And if it is, how does one go about being unattached?

These aren’t rhetorical questions…I’d really like you guys to weigh in on this one, pretty please.

Leave a comment


  1. Piper

     /  August 20, 2013

    Ok, so in my opinion, #10 is more about truly “attaching/tieing” your feelings/emotions to others (or goals,etc.). It’s not about having an attachment to THEM, and loving/honoring that attachment. Essentially, I think what you said is exactly what the author was saying, don’t get attached to other people’s “stuff.”
    I agree with all of these, but I do think they overlap a bit…
    Thanks for sharing! (As always!!)

    • Thanks for weighing-in! I’m glad you agree with my interpretation. I feel like no attachment at all would lead to a very hermitty, unfulfilled life!

  2. Sean C.

     /  August 20, 2013

    My view: Loosen the literal grip and read the message in full context; the list does not read as commandments or gospel. Interpret each of them into your own happiness. Most, simply suggest to learn to be happy; with #10 figuratively suggesting that attaching (your expectant emotions, primarily) creates an expectation, which we all know often leads to disappointment. The point may have been more welcoming with a slightly more Taoist ‘nothingness’ or Buddhist ’emptiness’ approach, to ‘fulfill yourself before relying on others for happiness.’

    (again, only IMHO…)

    As always, thank you for your posts and proclivity for deeper thought. :)

    • I like that view of it, Sean! And I totally agree with regard to making yourself happy first, rather than relying on others for that happiness.

  3. maggie ogilvie

     /  August 25, 2013

    I think one of the most difficult aspects of teaching has always been “not to take things personally”, i.e., students’ rudeness, snide comments, lack of appreciation or respect. I do deeply care about my students, so the only way for me to inject objectivity is to separate who they are from what they say or do–which actions, with adolescents, are usually NOT what they are or can be deep inside. As Sean suggests, and as you reiterate: “fill yourself” first–so that any relationship just multiples that fulfillment, reflects it, etc. This blog is good food for thought. thanks! (:


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