Knowing You’re Making an Impact

My nephew Ayuba is the first little person that I’ve ever really hoped to make an impact on.

Well, other than my little brother but that’s only because I really just wanted him to learn to chew with his mouth closed and to take smaller bites so choking, which always lead to gagging, would cease to be a nightly occurrence. (My attempts with Logan were more selfish than they have been with Ayuba is the point I’m making.)

But sometimes you don’t know if your attempts are making a difference. Until you see them for yourself.

I spent the night at my sister’s the other night to help out with my niece Farrah. When I do that, Ayuba is usually at his dad’s so I crash out in his bed. As I settled in for the night, I could see my presence in his room – the letters I’ve been writing were pinned up on his bulletin board and the worry dolls I gave him when he was four or five were tucked under his pillow. I couldn’t help but smile knowing there are things that he chooses to keep around that surely make him think of me on a regular basis.

It’s moments like this that keep me pushing for what I want – a family and kiddos of my own. Because sometimes it’s hard to keep pushing for something that seems elusive.

Huh. I wonder if he knows how much of an impact he’s making on me? I think my new mission is to make sure he knows. He may not understand how important that is now, but he will someday.

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