FYI, non-single people…

{Disclaimer: if you only have time to read one thing today, let it be this. His article is WAY better than the rant that follows. And so encouraging to me, because it means I’m not alone in my thinking and that there are men out there who “get” it.}

Dating in the modern era is total crap. Baring the rare exception, there’s very little-to-no chivalry, no formality, and no real indication of a person’s intent. Therefore, it can feel demeaning, confusing, and frustrating.

Chivalry rears it’s head every now and then but, for the most part, it’s a dying/dead art. And not just in the dating arena, but in daily life. (Arena was a carefully chosen word because, as a good friend puts it, “dating is a blood sport”. It should happen in an arena at this point.) Guys these days just don’t make the effort in most cases. What I hear from men is that women either don’t appreciate it, or, and this just blows my mind, get angry when they do something chivalrous. Thanks, feminism. (Please read this to understand what I mean by that before you burn me in effigy on my lawn.) And thank you to those parents out there who haven’t kept the chivalry fires burning by teaching your sons and daughters what it is and why it’s important.

With regard to formality, very few people actually ask another person out on a date anymore. It’s more like, “So, um, uh, um, you wanna get a beer or something sometime?” And even when it is a “real” date, some weird and inappropriate stuff happens. I was told a story from a friend about a gal he knows who was meeting a guy for the first time. (Follow that? Bueller?) She’s driving down to Denver when her date texts her and suggests they meet at Shotgun Willie’s. She calls him and says, “You do know that Shotgun Willie’s is a strip club, right?” He replies, “Yep.” She turned around and drove home. I mean…WHAT. THE. HELL?

Which leads to my last point. I’ve been out with guys thinking we were just hanging out and then suddenly, I’m on a date. And what I’m thinking is, “Whoa. Um…yeah. So, was this his intent all along? Did he think this was a date from the get go, or did this just organically happen? Because now I feel like I need to explain where I’m coming from lest there be confusion or hurt feelings.” See how that lack of formality can bite you in the butt? See how not swallowing your pride or refusing to make yourself vulnerable by stating your intentions can backfire? And don’t even get me started on people just dropping off the face of the Earth without any polite explanation at all. That’s a post unto itself.

Can’t we do better than this? Pretty please?

(All of this comes from watching Downton Abbey recently and reflecting back on a time when a man made his intentions about courting a woman obvious. I like that idea.)

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. maggie@montrose.net

     /  June 25, 2014

    Hi, Annie–You make SO MUCH sense!!  I’m forwarding a copy of this to Ad

    Reply

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